R A W Moscow

// Really personal//

I honestly always question people’s loyalty to me. I don’t know whether people truly care or they’re just using me for their own gain. People will always be selfish. They will always look out for their own interests and disregard others’. It’s always been different for me. Believe it or not, I always put others’ interests before mine. I would rather serve than get served. I never felt like I needed appreciation. But sometimes, it’s a nice feeling to be appreciated and to be noticed. As stated earlier, people are selfish. At this point, I know God is really testing my patience.

Independent of people, dependent on God.

// Independence//

is something only strong people can acquire.

// I hate the word “sorry”//

It’s just an excuse to make everything okay and for everything to go back to normal again. You’re not really apologetic, you’re just abusing the word so that you don’t have to deal with real situations. I say you’re a coward. Grow up and learn to make up for what you’ve done instead of just simply saying “sorry.”

// Random Rant//

Sometimes I feel bad for my mom. With all the things she does for my grandparents, I can tell that sometimes she feels unappreciated. I know that there are things going on in my family right now that depresses my grandparents, but they don’t have to treat my mom like my mom does nothing for them. I know that whenever my grandma isn’t smiling when my mom sees her really affects my mom. Sucks how the worst child always gets the most attention than the child who tries the hardest. Hang in there mom. They’ll come around.

// Wow how things have changed//

As I procrastinate on my homework and look through my older pictures on Facebook, I just realized how much I’ve changed since high school. I kind of miss how high school used to be and the friends that I kicked it with. I miss everything about it from talking shit about our teachers and people we didn’t like, complaining about projects, ditching class to go to McDonalds or eat at Furusato Korean BBQ. I just miss all of it. 

Then again, I look at my life now in college and I am very content. I can’t be any luckier to have a group of friends that are so supportive. Even though I’ve only known them for a little less than a year, I consider some/most of them my best friends and friends that I will treasure for a long time. I didn’t know that I would find these kinds of friendships in Davis because I was so stuck in loving my high school friends. 

I am sad to say that there are friends in high school that I wish I still kept in touch with and I don’t. It’s not that I didn’t want to stay in touch, but I got so busy and caught up with all the things I’m doing here in Davis that I unfortunately forgot about them. I still miss them. I miss my best friend. I miss everything.

Who knows? Maybe friendships can be rekindled?

// Why is it that//

the people that you love most cause you the most pain?

// Seriously//

Grow up. Have some maturity. Not everything can be taken as a joke. Wait until you learn about issues people deal with and you will realize that stupid jokes like that are actually hurtful. Look in the mirror before you talk shit.

// Cons of living with perfect parents//

You will always fall short of them. They will always belittle you despite of your achievements. Because none of what you achieve means anything to them. Every time you do something right, it’s expected, so no reward. Every time you do something wrong, they blow up because you fall short of their perfections.

EVERY TIME I DO SOMETHING WRONG, YOU ALWAYS BLAME MY WALK WITH GOD. WHICH IS SOMETHING BETWEEN ME AND GOD, NOT YOU! SO STOP MEDDLING IN MY LIFE. YOU ARE NOT GOD. YOU ARE JUST LIKE THE REST OF US, SINNERS TRYING TO MAKE AMENDS WITH GOD. SO GET OFF YOUR HIGH HORSE AND OPEN YOUR EYES. NO ONE AROUND YOU IS PERFECT. NO ONE AROUND YOU WILL EVER BE GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU. YOU ARE JUST A SAD PERSON. I FEEL BAD FOR YOU. THIS IS WHY NO ONE WANTS TO BE YOUR FRIEND. THIS IS WHY NO ONE WANTS TO BE AROUND YOU. BECAUSE YOU’RE JUST TOO DAMN PERFECT FOR THE REST OF US? YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS TO PERFECTIONISTS? THEY GET OSTRACIZED. GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR LIFE. BECAUSE I’M ABOUT TO WALK OUT OF YOURS. 

(Adj) Brutally or grossly frank. 20 year old chemical engineering college student at UC Davis from Los Angeles. Christian. Musician. Singer/Songwriter. Unavailable & a bit fashion obsessed.